When I think back to when I was a kid growing up, I can recall how money impacted our lives as a family. I remember my mom taking me to the grocery store and being cautious about what we bought. Using coupons whenever she could and leaning into products that were on sale. I was never worried that I wouldn’t be taken care of but I also knew that money wasn’t an unlimited resource. I learned the importance of being cautious with money. And I could sense from my mother the strain worrying about money had on her.

My parents are both immigrants from Portugal. They both came to the US looking for a better life. My father came here on his own when he was 18 years old. My mother, when she was 13 with her entire family. Each of them brought within them the lessons from their own families around money.

My father brought with him the concept that the more you work, the more money you would have. He leaned a lot into the tangible. Physical effort equaled success. And his life experience proved that belief to be true. When he and my mother married, he had started his own construction business. For the majority of my life, he worked long and hard hours. It was common for him to work six days a week and 8-12 hour days. He would come home smelling like fresh dirt mixed with sweat.

My mother, on the other hand, brought with her a sense of fear around money. Her family grew up quite poor and being the eldest child, she absorbed a lot of that strain from her own parents. She was a homemaker and was responsible for taking care of the household, the meals, the kids and paying all the bills. She kept the household together but it took its toll on her. The pressure of keeping the household together put an undertone of anxiety around our finances.

When it came to talking about money, it was discussed, but indirectly. My father wasn’t very trusting of the stock market, but he did understand real estate. He invested in rental properties over the years. He would joke that when someone lost it all in the stock market, all they had was paper in their hands. But if things got bad with the economy, he could always pitch a tent on a piece of land he owns.

So, I would listen to arguments between my parents and the struggles of dealing with tenants. This person was late on their rent. That person trashed the apartment and it had to be repaired and cleaned out. I only ever heard the bad stories. The frustrations that money would create.

As a young child, I absorbed these lessons. That money comes from hard physical work, or “sweat equity” and that money is something that is stress and anxiety inducing. That it was important to be cautious with one’s money.

Money Classrooms

There are four types of money classrooms that a person may experience. They include Anxious, Unstable, Unaware & Secure. Keep in mind that your money classroom growing up may have changed over time. The perspective you have about money is typically associated with the classroom you experienced when you were younger. Also, notable events such as divorce, job loss and financial success can change their classroom and their perspective on money.

Anxious Classroom

High in stress but low in communication
Anxiety or tension about money
Witness your parents’ money habits instead of hearing them discussed
You may find it difficult to open up and talk about your finances and your feelings around money
May have fears about lack of money

Unstable Classroom

High in stress and in communication
Money was a source of conflict
Parents fought about money
Frequent experiences of negative emotions (fear, anxiety, lack of support)
Expectations of conflict
Discussion of money is emotionally charged
For some people, they detach and become apathetic towards money as a way to self-protect

Unaware Classroom

Low in emotion and communication
Money may not have been a concern for you as a child
Your family may never have spoken about money in front of you
A false sense of security
May feel uneasy or lost with finances as no one taught or modeled money habits for you
May have a detached relationship with money
Conflict around money may make you uncomfortable

Secure Classroom

Ideal money classroom
Low in emotion and high in communication
Parents would talk openly and calmy about money
Decisions around money would be calm and intentional
You are aware of the sacrifices being made for certain financial goals

Changing One’s Mindset Around Money

Looking back, the classroom I was raised in during my pivotal years would fall between anxious and unstable. But this does not mean that I, or you, are locked into this mindset about money for the rest of our lives. Knowing and understanding what you were taught about money at a young age can help you identify beliefs that you have around money.

For me, I carried with me the belief that success can only come from “sweat equity”. That I had to spend hours and hours working to be successful. It took some self-work to be able to incorporate strategy into my efforts. Not ever type of work was as profitable as another. I had to learn to discern what task was worth my time and effort for it to be successful.

I also carried the belief that money was anxiety provoking and would lead to conflict. This skewed my comfort around being able to discuss my finances with my spouse and to share my feelings of fear and anxiety around money. I did not have to experience these feelings alone. I could ask for support with what I felt.

What Lessons and Beliefs Did You Learn Growing Up?

What kind of money classroom did you have growing up? Did your family talk about money or was it kept a secret from you? Was money a source of high emotion or were finances discussed more calmy.

No matter your upbringing, if you are carrying with you a belief about money that is not serving you, it is possible to let it go using the Emotional Freedom Technique.

EFT, also known as tapping, involves tapping on acupressure points on your own body in order to calm the amygdala, the fear center of the brain. The tapping allows for the Chi (emotional energy) to move more freely and bring a sense of relief and calm to the mind and body.

Tapping can be used access the beliefs that you are carrying with you around money and to let them go. You no longer have to be anxious around money or scared to talk about your finances any more.

If you are ready to have a healthier relationship with money, then feel free to take advantage of a free tapping session with me.

Check in with Eric Almeida

Money Classrooms – How Our Beliefs About Money are Created