Fear of Death
“Death: something like birth, a natural mystery, elements that split and recombine. Not an embarrassing thing. Not an offense to reason, or our nature.
Marcus Aurelius - Meditations
None of us are strangers to death. The longer we live, the more people that we will know that are here one day and gone the next. I think back to over the past few years at how much death I had been exposed to: Two great aunts, an uncle, a business colleague, a friend’s father and a colleague’s wife. This does not include the people connected with my clients who have passed as well. Covid-19 certainly highlighted the finiteness our of lives on Earth. Yet in American society, death is not a topic most people want to talk about.
Why is that? Why don’t we talk about something that all of us will experience at some point in our lives. In particular our own death. Something that many of us don’t even want to bring to words in case it would summon the grim reaper to take us.
Common Fears About Dying
There are 7 common fears people may have about dying. Each of us may have any combination of these fears. And the fears can change over one’s lifetime based on our experiences.
I’m Afraid to Die Because:
My Death Would Cause Grief to My Relatives and Friends
For those who are more empathic, they may focus their worries about how the grief of their death will hurt those around them.
All of My Ambitions, Plans and Projects Would Come to An End
Many of us derive immense satisfaction and fulfillment in the pursuit of creation. Whether that be creating art, business and/or a family. For those individuals, having their plans cut short can be very distressing.
I’m Worried the Process of Death Might be Painful
It is not surprising that an “ideal” death is passing away in one’s sleep. No one wants to suffer, yet many do in their final days of life. Whether it be from cancer, disease, accident or some other form of mental or physical decline.
I Would No Longer be Able to Have Experiences
The sheer idea of not existing can fill a person with dread. It is not something that we experience in our lives. Even dreamless sleep or being under anesthesia, there is still a sense that something is happening to you. Even though you have no recollection.
I Would No Longer be Able to Care for My Dependents
For parents of young children, caregivers for adults and pet owners they understand the importance and need to be an active participant in the life of their loved ones who are in need. They may fear that their loved ones won’t be cared for in the way they would do themselves, or be forgotten all together.
I am Afraid What Would Happen to Me if There is Life After Death
The faiths of the world have been trying to answer the question of life after death for all of human history. A commonality in many of those faiths is a sense of judgement of your life’s actions. Many people are scared that they have not lived up to the standards of their faith and will suffer as a result after death.
What Might Happen to My Body After I Die
We are made of flesh and bone, like many other creatures on Earth. Flesh and bone decay and waste away into ashes and dust over time. For some the idea of our body, that we are intimately connected to in life, wasting away can be disturbing and unnerving.
How to Overcome One’s Fear of Death
It starts by identifying what fears you have around death. You need to know what you are afraid of so you can then understand and process the fear.
For me, my primary fear revolves around the pain of dying. That concerns me the most, as I do not want to suffer more than I have to in life. Second would be a sense of disappointment over my plans ending. I’m not scared per say. I just don’t want my life to end abruptly before I can harvest the fruits of my work.
The biggest thing that helped me process my fear about my own death has been utilizing the Emotional Freedom Technique. EFT, also known as tapping, involves tapping on acupressure points on your own body in order to calm the amygdala, the fear center of the brain. The tapping allows for the Chi (emotional energy) to move more freely and bring a sense of relief and calm to the mind and body.
This technique helped me move through the worry and fear I held within me along with identifying exactly what I was scared about. It opened my mind to be able to make proactive changes in my life to help alleviate my fears around my death. Firstly, by putting in place a medical proxy and instructing my loved ones to not let me suffer longer than I have to, if something happened to me. Also, to pursue my projects with vigor and purpose so I can enjoy their fruits as soon as possible. It amazes me how much time I wasted on things that I really did not care about. These actions have given me much more peace around my own death.
I want to give that same benefit that I received as a gift to you. You just have to choose to take those first steps toward taking responsibility for the fear that you are carrying within yourself. To be ready to face your mortality and live with more peace. Are you ready?